STILL Waiting for Micah

I woke up this morning and thought to myself, "Today is a good day to give birth."

I won't mention that I've thought this everyday this week. But today is different because it is the 18th, the same day Noah was born. Wouldn't it be exciting to have both boys birthdays on the 18th. I go to the doctor today and will do my darndest to talk him into rushing me to the hospital. You never know with doctors though. Sometimes I think they are the biggest procrastinators in the world. I am officially full term with Mr. Micah Benjamin (as Bryan has formally decided his full name will be) and have officially had it with pregnancy. It's days like today that remind me why this will be my last. The "waiting patiently" for the little guy to arrive is more than I can stand! But the room is ready, all the little preemie outfits are laid out, and newborn diapers waiting to be filled. I decided to do a "monkey" theme in Micah's room. That's what he's reminded me of from the very beginning; all long limbs and squirming and climbing around my stomach this entire nine months. It seemed fitting.

You know, I stopped to think today that a person can't possibly know how hard of a job it is to be a parent until they finally take the leap and become one. One can't possibly know how rewarding it is either. And most of all, one can't possibly comprehend the depth of love God has for us, until we truly experience that love for another firsthand. It's amazing how much you can love someone when they've done nothing to deserve it yet. You just love them because they ARE and because they came from you. I finally understand that that is the way God loves me. I've done NOTHING to deserve it, but he can't NOT love me because I am a part of Him, a part of his plan and just because I exsist. There are so many times when I look at Noah in his rather "unlovable moments", and just shake my head at the fact that even THEN, I can't stop loving him. I wish all people understood this kind of love. I know I will feel the same love for Micah the moment I see him for the first time. I've become sentimental today, because I know the moment is coming quite soon and I am so anxious to love ON him, since I've already been loving him for 9 months. I want to express that love to him like I do with Noah.

I know having these two boys will forever turn my world upside down, but since I can't remember it being any other way, I know I will love every minute of it.

I LOST MY MIND

I think I've lost some memory

since my precious Noah was born

I don't remember sleeping late

on a lazy Sunday morn
I don't remember quiet dinners

with candlelight and wine.

Or getting up and ready for work

and making it there on time.
I don't remember summer days

just lounging on the beach

And those memories of "girls' night out"

are somehow out of reach.
I don't remember long warm baths

with bubbles and a good book

Or my favorite TV program

or a movie worth a look.
I can't remember all those things

I spent time on yesterday

And I can't remember my life

being any other way.
But as I lay him down at night

I smile at my life this time

I can't remember so much happiness,

Since the day I lost my mind.