STILL Waiting for Micah

I woke up this morning and thought to myself, "Today is a good day to give birth."

I won't mention that I've thought this everyday this week. But today is different because it is the 18th, the same day Noah was born. Wouldn't it be exciting to have both boys birthdays on the 18th. I go to the doctor today and will do my darndest to talk him into rushing me to the hospital. You never know with doctors though. Sometimes I think they are the biggest procrastinators in the world. I am officially full term with Mr. Micah Benjamin (as Bryan has formally decided his full name will be) and have officially had it with pregnancy. It's days like today that remind me why this will be my last. The "waiting patiently" for the little guy to arrive is more than I can stand! But the room is ready, all the little preemie outfits are laid out, and newborn diapers waiting to be filled. I decided to do a "monkey" theme in Micah's room. That's what he's reminded me of from the very beginning; all long limbs and squirming and climbing around my stomach this entire nine months. It seemed fitting.

You know, I stopped to think today that a person can't possibly know how hard of a job it is to be a parent until they finally take the leap and become one. One can't possibly know how rewarding it is either. And most of all, one can't possibly comprehend the depth of love God has for us, until we truly experience that love for another firsthand. It's amazing how much you can love someone when they've done nothing to deserve it yet. You just love them because they ARE and because they came from you. I finally understand that that is the way God loves me. I've done NOTHING to deserve it, but he can't NOT love me because I am a part of Him, a part of his plan and just because I exsist. There are so many times when I look at Noah in his rather "unlovable moments", and just shake my head at the fact that even THEN, I can't stop loving him. I wish all people understood this kind of love. I know I will feel the same love for Micah the moment I see him for the first time. I've become sentimental today, because I know the moment is coming quite soon and I am so anxious to love ON him, since I've already been loving him for 9 months. I want to express that love to him like I do with Noah.

I know having these two boys will forever turn my world upside down, but since I can't remember it being any other way, I know I will love every minute of it.

I LOST MY MIND

I think I've lost some memory

since my precious Noah was born

I don't remember sleeping late

on a lazy Sunday morn
I don't remember quiet dinners

with candlelight and wine.

Or getting up and ready for work

and making it there on time.
I don't remember summer days

just lounging on the beach

And those memories of "girls' night out"

are somehow out of reach.
I don't remember long warm baths

with bubbles and a good book

Or my favorite TV program

or a movie worth a look.
I can't remember all those things

I spent time on yesterday

And I can't remember my life

being any other way.
But as I lay him down at night

I smile at my life this time

I can't remember so much happiness,

Since the day I lost my mind.

Waiting for Micah

Today marks the day I am officially FULL-TERM with my second little boy, and let me tell you, I did NOT see this day coming last year at this time! We weren't entirely "planning" on a second child this soon, but God has a sense of humor and a divine plan, and we are thrilled to be a part of it. Noah will officially be a big brother in less than two weeks. Truthfully, that brings all sorts of emotions to my mind. My "baby" will not be my baby anymore. He tells me constantly, "I'm a big boy, Mommy!" Just the fact that he is old enough to utter those words brings tears to my eyes someday. I always thought it was cheesy when my parents used to say, "We remember it like it was yesterday when we brought YOU home from the hospital!" And though it's only been 2 and a half years, it seems like only yesterday that it was Noah kicking inside my tummy. I remember feeling so excited and so nervous about being a mom. I guess I'm starting to get the basics down! ;) Some days, that's up for question! But a Mom to TWO boys? How is that supposed to work?? Noah still demands so much of me, and shortly, there will be TWO little men that God has given me the responsibility of raising up into men of God. That job and that privelege is too much for me to comprehend. It's enough for me to wake up everyday and just try to love them the best I know how. Noah is going through all kinds of phases right now. Most of which are not pleasant. I'd say the terrible twos are definitely among us. He is super independant, yet not that resourceful on his own, which makes for a very irritating time at home. He wants to put his OWN shoes on, open the door HIMSELF, peel the banana HIS way, put his toys away in HIS time, and quite frankly, I wish somedays that he wasn't so persistant. I yearn for the babyness to come back where he wanted Mommy to do it all for him, because that sped up the process and caused for a lot less patience. LOL. But, I know in the long run, he is learning to depend on himself. He is teaching himself that he CAN do all things. Although it's aggravating sometimes, it's wonderful to see and be a part of.

But here I sit, typing as this new little man has the hiccups in my stomach. We have no idea what he looks like, who he will act like, or what he will become, but we are full of anticipation for what the coming months will look like for our family of four. I'm sure there will be days of exhaustion and days of energy. I pray the days of energy and enthusiasm are plenty! I'm on maternity leave early waiting on Micah to get here. The days and moments are dragging by and I so wish I could hold him already. I can't wait to see how much he reminds me of Noah. Those first few weeks are so precious, and since I'm not sure if my adorable husband will let me endure pregnancy ever again, I need to savor all the moments I can because Micah may be my last little miracle. I am nervous about how having a second child will change the dynamics of the family and marriage, but I also trust that God has had his hand in this from the very beginning. I know he is the giver of life. I'm so blessed that he's chosen me again. So as I'm waiting for Micah, I'm also in pursuit of His plan. God, show me all that you want me to accomplish by being a mom to this new little man. Shower me with your patience, compassion, love, and kindness as I take on this new journey and allow me to feel your presence every step of the way. Be a Father to me so I can mother these boys. Let that love spill over into everything I do for them so that when they grow up, they can't possibly look at me without also seeing YOU.

Amen